Confessions of an Amoral Therapist, or How Lack of Judgment Can Pay Off

I have a small sign in my office that reads:

Notice: This office has been designated a Judgment-Free Zone. Please set your expectations accordingly. Thank you.

While said in jest, it also means a lot to me. In my work with clients, and in my own work in therapy, lack of judgment (me judging them or them judging me) has been the most significant aspect of success.

Have you ever had the experience of not being judged? Try it! It’s wonderful. And it seems to help whatever ails you. It’s psychological chicken soup.

So, when I go to work, I try hard to check my morals at the door. There is no right and no wrong, no good, no bad, no mean, no terrible, no horrible, no awful, no guilty, no shame, no blame, no sin (yikes!! I probably lost half my audience with that one), and so on. If you want any or all of that, there are plenty of other places to go. Many of them are entirely free of charge and conveniently located close to where you live.

Lack of judgment seems to allow others to try out being themselves, discovering how they are in their natural habitat of free experiencing. They often discover they are not so bad after all, or that they could do things differently, if they wanted to. Buckminster Fuller said: “The minute you begin to do what you want to do, it’s really a different kind of life.” People blossom in this “different kind of life,” I’ve found.

We use words like “moral compass” or “moral high ground” to convince ourselves and others that we are OK (or at least better than others). What if we start with the premise that “we are, in fact, OK” and see what happens then?

You with me on that? If not, no problem.

Copyright 2013 Daniel J. Metevier

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